Wilson

My child has been on a brooding binge for a few days, now. I don’t care much (at all) for those brooding, glum, ‘woe is me’, morose moods. I’m not sunshine every day, but I can at least stick some music in my ears and blast away angst without bothering anyone else.

There wasn’t much new on Netflix, so today we blew the dust off the DVDs. He voted for Castaway, with Tom Hanks.

I tried to steer him to something not quite so…lonely. I mean, come on, the man talks to his BFF, a volleyball named Wilson for FOUR years. Talk about isolated

Well, true to his Eeyore attitude, he let out a very long, dramatic sigh. It’s his equivalent to the eye roll he has yet to master.

By then I’d been blasting music for three hours, already. I didn’t care if he wanted to spend three hours watching Wilson fall off one stick or another in mid-conversation. Sounded like a bad date, to me.

I expected him to last about fifteen minutes before giving up and changing DVDs. Nope. It’s Monday. I am proven wrong on Mondays. My child loved Wilson. In his own words, “I can totally relate.”.

But then he began reenacting those conversations. And even though it is Monday, I quickly became convinced my kid is losing his mind. Was this what he “totally relates” to??

Guess who knows the crisis hotline number for any municipality within 100 miles? This girl. I was already thinking past the end of his sentences, building elaborate mansions out of Alabama red dirt.

“Mama, if you were stranded on an island ALL by yourself, what would you do?”

Hey, that’s one I can answer!

“Sleep.”

He looked disappointed, but he tried again.

“Mama, if you were stranded on an island ALL BY YOURSELF, like, totally alone, what is one thing you would want. Just one thing.”

Sleep, evidently, is not a thing; it is an action. So I gave him my best poker face (thanks, Pa!).

“Rum.”

“Mama! You are not playing fair! I’m only going to give you one more chance!”

Damn.

He drew a deep breath. Namaste, y’all.127

“Mama, if you were stranded on an island all by yourself, who would you want with you?”

“If I am all by myself, I am sleeping- because the rum is gone. By myself. Alone.”

“With WHO?”

“Whom.”

“Mama!! Stop it. Okay, you and another person, are stranded on an island. Who is the other person?”

“Do I still have rum?”

 

Affirmative nod.

“Jack Sparrow.”

Out of nowhere, a perfect eye roll. He walked away, shaking his head in mock disgust. Muttering.

“No wonder he talked to a volleyball for four years…the woman left waiting at home was probably my mama!”

Who said Summer shouldn’t be fun for grown-ups, too?

Stay cool. Be blessed, Y’all.

 

(c) 2015